Thursday, February 10, 2011


" Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good"
~Romans 12:21

Hey there  my friends :)

Its been a wild week for sure. My brain has been spinning since Monday evening. I've soooooo looked forward to the chance to sit here, blog and tell you about it.

Before I do, I'd like to elaborate a little about something I shared last week. I mentioned earlier that my parents divorced when I was 11 years old. I eluded to the fact that it wasn't pretty, but I'm sure most divorces aren't. What I didn't explain was the history and reasons for the divorce. It's not an easy subject to talk about, so please understand I don't take this lightly. I will make every effort to be gentle but also to share the truth.

The truth is I am the product of a teenage pregnancy. I've been aware my entire life that I was "unplanned". Now,  that is definitely not the same thing as being "unloved"...but somehow in my childish little brain I interpretted "unplanned" to mean....."unwanted".... and therefore, a "MISTAKE".

In addition, my father is an alcoholic. Not the happy-pass-out-when-he's-had-too-much kind, I'm sorry to say. My father was a RAGE-aholic. I grew up never knowing what would set him off. I also grew up terrified, always watching, always waiting, always trying to prevent the next explosion. There's only so much a young girl can do and so, often, I failed. Yup, I'm also a child of domestic violence...and a child from a broken family. It wasn't an easy childhood but I know others had it worse.

I grew up always wondering "why me?!" I wondered what I had done wrong and what I could have done differently. I wondered what about ME made me unlovable. I wondered why I wasn't worthy of the protection of the adults in my life. Couldn't THEY see what was happening to my mom, my brother and I?
I carried that baggage for a lot of years.....I'm sure to some degree I still do.

However, on Monday night, I had one of those LIGHTBULB MOMENTS! I was asked to speak to a group of women in my area about my life and my faith. I shared some details of my childhood, my fears, my feelings and how they shaped me into who I am today. As I looked into the faces of the women and girls before me, I watched their eyes fill with tears. I soaked in the vibe of the room. I saw that their hearts had experienced this pain too. Maybe not exactly like mine, but they understood.

And then I was able to tell them the truth......the truth about God.... how he loves us, how he forgives us, how he heals us. And that is when I realized.......I can use my hurts, my pains, my losses, and my help these women. To show them the truth about who God says they are, how beautiful, how loved, how special. As I hugged each one goodbye, I whispered in my heart, "show her she is loved by you God".

Since Monday,  I have been presented with two additional speaking opportunities. Although public speaking isn't entirely in my comfort zone ( actually, it scares me to death!) it doesn't matter. What matters is that these women can have their lives changed and I have an opportunity to tell them how. The pain and hurt and sorrow I held onto for all those years has been transformed into a heart so full, so swollen with love for these women...and for the God who loves us all.

Dear God~Thank you for being the perfect Father. You do not make mistakes.  You knew me  in my mother's womb and you numbered every hair on my head. I pray for the grace to share my story. Not to dishonor anyone but to bring hope to the ones who don't know you. I pray for wounds to be healed, hearts to be filled and lives to be changed. In Jesus' name, Amen.


1 comment:

  1. Parenthood is not about genetics, its about love. I have five wonderful children and love them all dearly, and as a father, am totally proud of all five. Way to go, Michelle.