Sunday, May 15, 2011

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Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The Silent Treatment, continued

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. "~The Message, Romans 8:28

We've all had those experiences......while you're in it, you can't see the purpose, you don't understand, why is this all happening? Later though, the realization comes.

When I wrote "The Silent Treatment" blog, I had no idea where the "To Be Continued" would lead . Actually, I was still pretty caught up in the chaos and was barely treading water. I have a feeling Tam might feel the same way about her "WTF" blog. We both dumped some pretty heavy stuff out when we wrote those. Neither of us were prepared for what the following days would hold in store. If you haven't already read those two blogs, please take a few minutes to do that now. It'll catch you up to speed.

The morning after Tam wrote her blog, her mom had a heart attack. She had a serious, major heart attack. As strong as Tam is, I know it brought her to her knees, literally and figuratively.  I have a feeling at some point, Tam will write about it and her experiences through it. I can tell you that it left Tam, myself and many others feeling like "WTF?!" Thankfully, Tam's mom received treatment and it at home now recovering. Many many prayers were answered for her health and recovery. Thank you God for hearing our prayers.

And so....that leads me to my part of the story.....the silent part. You might have noticed that I again, vanished for the past two weeks. This time it wasn't intentional on my part. The day that Tam's mom was rushed to the hospital, my husband started to feel under the weather. He thought it was hayfever. The following morning, it was clear it wasn't. Fever, chills, bodyaches, sore throat, cough, he layed on the sofa and wasted away.

Keep in mind he's a man's man. If there's work to be done, he'll do it, regardless of how he feels. And so he tried.....for 3 days he tried. By Wednesday morning, he couldn't do it anymore and voluntarily brought himself to the doctor. This is HUGE. He doesn't "believe" in doctors or medicine or weakness or sickness. Its nothing a little fresh air won't cure in his book. Ugh, I love my guy but he's got a stubborn streak for sure. His rapid strep test came back negative and the doctor sent him home with "Its a virus. You need rest and fluids. Call us in a day or two if you don't improve."

Wednesday evening, when I started to feel poorly, I assumed I had the same nasty virus and prepared to ride it out. All the same symptoms appeared and for 3 days I rested and drank fluids and tried to get better. However, by Saturday morning I was in rough shape, barely able to swallow and completely unable to breathe through my nose, I brought myself to the Doctor and was diagnosed with strep throat. I left the doctors office with 5 prescriptions... one for Chris, one for Chelsea (who had started complaining of a sore throat) and three for myself including anti inflammatories for the swollen glands and pain killers. Believe it or not, I praised God  on  my way home for strep throat. At least I knew what I was fighting and I had medicine to cure it!!!

Saturday evening, I missed a surprise 40th Anniversary party for two of my dearest friends. Mother's Day was well, incredibly disappointing too. A family of strep throat victims was NOT the gift I'd imagined. In addition, I had to refuse my daughter, who is away at college, from coming home. She has finals next week and I couldn't take the chance she'd catch this. To make matters worse, I was too sick to even go to church. Bummed out doesn't begin to describe my feelings.

By Monday though, all seemed to be on the rebound. Chelsea went to school, Chris went to work and I cleaned and scrubbed every surface . I never thought it would feel SO good to clean my house. I sat through Chelsea's softball game and cheered my daughter, my husband and their team to their 7th straight victory!!!! Life was returning to normal.....or so I thought.

At some point during the game, I became aware of a dull headache. It grew in intensity and by the time I came home it hurt, alot. I took Tylenol and went to bed early. Maybe I'd overdone it today? By midnight, I was in rough shape and got up to take more meds. By 430 am I was desperate, vomitting, sweating. I was in a full blown migraine. I've only had a couple but I knew all of the symptoms....severe headache, nausea, vomitting, light sensitivity, sound sensitivity.

The ONLY thing I could do was pray "Jesus help me" over and over again. The ONLY thing I could ask for was prayer over and over again. I was completely weak, completely helpless and completely in pain. My daughter drove me to my chiropractor. He and his wife are the beautiful friends who celebrated their anniversary last weekend. As I lay on his examination table, bawling like a 3 year old, he, his wife and my daughter prayed over me, hugged me, cared for me. It was such a humbling experience, even now it brings tears to my eyes.

I became fully aware in that moment of what being a "servant of Christ" means. Regardless of anything else going on in their lives, people stopped what they were doing, to pray for me, to do whatever they could to help me feel better, whether emotionally or physically. I also became painfully aware that for the most part, that is not how I live my life.'s the ugly side of me....I'm selfish. I think about myself....alot.

~What do I want?
~What do I need?
~Why did she hurt me?
~I don't deserve this?
~I'm not doing THAT!
~I don't want to.
~I don't like it.
~I don't have time for this!

Today, I'm feeling substantially better but not 100%. However, my outlook has changed immensely.

~How can I help someone today?
~Who needs a hug?
~Who can I serve?
~Who just needs a smile or a warm touch?
~Who do I know who's struggling and could use a silly card in the mail?

It doesn't take a lot to make people know their special. As they say,  a little goes a long way! So, please know that I have prayed for you, if you're reading this blog. I pray that in some way it has blessed you and inspired you. I pray it has challenged you to ask "Who can I serve today?".

Dear God~Thank you for your healing touch in my physical body as well as my heart. Thank you for helping me to see my own selfish nature and for sending Jesus to show us how to be a true servant. I pray for each reader. I pray that they know and have a personal realtionship with you. I pray that you will bless them abundantly and reveal to each of us, who we can serve today on your behalf. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Healthy Hugs,