Sunday, October 31, 2010

Pity Party for One

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petion, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."~Philippians 4: 6&7

Ever have one of those days when everything seems off?

 It started last night with a slight disagreement with my husband. Actually, it wasn't even a disagreement, it was a discussion. An adult coversation over dinner where he voiced his opinion and I voiced mine. We were respectful and kind. We listened to each others thoughts and answers but in the end we both maintained our views. Sounds very adult-like huh? I suppose it was....except....I thought about it and thought about it and thought about it. I chewed on it, tried to swallow it and then chewed it some more.  I stewed in it....I brewed in it...I let it simmer and percolate. I let it keep me awake last night and I let it affect my day, all day, today.

Once something like this starts for me, I get all caught up in it. The next thing you know, I'm totally ticked off and often tearful. Then I start to notice things that have absolutely nothing to do with the original issue. For instance, because I was frustrated and annoyed with my husband, it irritated me the way he left his dirty clothes on our bedroom floor when he went to work. And I hate the way he leaves the toilet seat up and the dirty coffee cup on the counter. I even hate the way HIS dog sheds all over MY  house!

Now since I'm in such a good mood, I should probably think about everything else that's wrong......the can of paint that leaked all over the laundry room floor, empty toilet paper roll that someone didn't replace, the incessant phone calls from politicians urging me to vote. What about the fact my girlfriend that hurt my feelings this week?  The 7 loads of laundry that need to be done and  cobwebs in every corner that need to be caught. Ugh. I am having myself a good ole fashioned PITY PARTY! No one hears me, no one understands me, no one appreciates me!

Are you tired yet? I am!!!! I've wasted a  whole day....all because my husband I had a very honest, very real, very adult discussion over dinner LAST NIGHT! This is crazy!So, I'm cancelling  the pity party !!!

Instead, I am going to choose to be grateful. I am grateful for the husband who takes the time to listen to my thoughts. Who doesn't demand that his views also be mine. I will choose to pick up those dirty clothes (and not mention it later) knowing that he was in a hurry to get to work, to provide for our family. I will be grateful we have hot coffee to start each day. I will be grateful for the companionship of the shedding dog, for her silly antics and for the laughter she brings to this house. I will choose to believe the friend didn't mean to offend me and I will be grateful for her friendship. I will be grateful for the abundance of clothes and the electric washing machine to clean them. I will try, ever so hard,  to be grateful for the political calls, knowing that we live in a country where democracy and freedom to vote is celebrated. I'm still trying to find a way to be grateful for the cobwebs :)

The bible says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus"- Philippians 4:6&7.

This was the first scripture I ever memorized. You would think by now, I would remember to lean on that truth, day in and day out.

"Do not be anxious about anything but in EVERYTHING" ......everything probably includes this little discussion with Chris? and all those other worries and woes? .....

" by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God " .......yup, here's where I messed up, I didn't pray about it, I thought and thought and thought some more, that's probably referred to as being "anxious"....

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus"  !
Well, HELLO there's what I was looking for all along. Peace. P.E.A.C.E.

Need I say more? I'm gonna grab a cup of coffee, fold the laundry  and pat the dog. I'm not sure I'll answer the phone or get to the those cobwebs though. heee heeee


Friday, October 29, 2010

"Who Am I?"

"For you created my inmost being: you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well"~Psalm 139:14

Welcome Back! Thank GOD its Friday :).....right?!

Today I thought I'd share a difficult assignment I was given this week. Each Monday evening I attend a bible study called "Boundaries" by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Its a terrific bible study and I would highly recommend it to EVERYONE! Anyway, during the course of our discussion this past Monday, our Pastor, "Babs"  posed the question "Who Am I?" With some reservation, although not much,  she assigned us all an essay. I immediately bristled!

Unfortunately, her question also contained qualifiers. We could not include "roles" such as I am a mother, I am wife....and we couldn't use "god-talk" such as "I am saved by the blood of the Lamb". Well, there goes MY essay!!!! This essay should include my feelings, attitudes, behaviors, choices and values. Ugh.

Who am I?


Who am I?

Who am I? .........this is what I came up with :

Its a legitimate question. Its a tough question!!!! I already hate this assignment, does that give you any indication of "who I am"? I've spent the past 20+ years losing myself, so I'm not entirely sure. I have lost myself in the busyness of parenting, creating a home, working, chores, basically the  existence we call life. I'm not sure who I am exactly but I'll give this  my best shot.

I am......
~a woman deeply in love with her husband, her children and her friends. I am always ready to "go the extra mile" to prove my love. Sometimes I'll do it at my own expense. I am willing to sacrifice my time, my money, my energy, even myself, to take care of people. Often I take care of people I don't know. Yes, I am a text book case of codependency. I am the friend who's great to have beside you in a crisis.

I am......
~a woman who struggles with feelings in general. Including but not limited to  fear, anxiety, depression and anger. I often use food to supress these feelings. I am the by-product of a broken home and child survivor of domestic violence.

I am.......
~a woman who wants more than anything to believe....that all God says is true....about Himself, about me, about love. I want to know it and to feel it. I want to believe I am loved and accepted. I know intellectually what the Bible says, I just want to feel it with all of my heart.

I am......
~a woman who loves bible studies, reading, writing, crochetting.I love shopping for a bargain and I absolutely adore a fantastic purse!  I love any of the Real Housewives shows! I love babies and laughter and the smell of my husbands hair. I love the sound of the rain and having coffee on the porch at dawn. I love having a best friend to share my real self with, trusting she can handle, the good, the bad and the ugly.

I am......
~fiercely loyal, a bit overprotective, often defensive and too critical of myself and others. I am surprisingly stubborn and a perfectionist at heart (that is...I'm a control freak). By now you know, I am also an "Open Book".

I am......
~still learning, growing and hoping!

and I'm wondering......who are YOU? I'd love to hear your feedback. Have a blessed weekend!


Thursday, October 28, 2010

Iron sharpens iron

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another"~Proverbs 27:17

Hello my friends! Welcome to BFFs blog and first official entry. It is with great pleasure and tremendous fear that I welcome you here. Yup, you read that right, I said "fear". I have butterflies in my stomach, my mouth is dry and my fingers are  frozen!!!!

You see, writing is my passion. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to write. I have dreamed about putting pen to paper and writing the novels that people will devour! My parents encouraged me, my teachers encouraged me, but until recently I have never done anything with the gift God has given me. I've written the occassional email and had a the response of  "you need to WRITE"...but I've never really been willing to put myself out there. Writing is personal......very personal.  It's equivalent to giving someone a glimpse of your heart and a piece of your soul.

So why now? Why all of a sudden do I feel compelled to just do it and finally take the leap of faith?

Well, it started two weeks ago on a beach in Cozumel, Mexico. My BFF, Tammy and I celebrated our 40th birthdays by taking a Premiere Christian Cruise together. The guest speakers, artists, and attendees were incredible. We both felt God using them to inspire us! As we sat on this gorgeous beach, looking out on the crystal blue waters, the coarse white sand between our toes, the idea to start a "blog" was formed. I jotted down notes, people to involve, topics to write about. We were both excited by the idea and agreed to pray about it. Prayer is often my MO to "stall" for time :)

After we returned from our cruise, refreshed, inspired and excited, the real world collided with our vacation mindset. The every day list of every day distractions took hold.The idea of a blog slipped further and further from my mind. "Maybe someday" I thought. God had a different plan!

He sent me a best friend, the most incredible woman who challenges me almost daily. Tammy and I go way 7th grade....but that's another story for another day. My point is that she knows me. She knows that I let the distractions of this world deter me from focusing on God's plan sometimes. She knows that although I love to write, I don't make time to do it. She knows that my intentions are good but my time management skills.....well, not so much!

So, God impressed upon her heart to set up this blog site. After an already busy week of travel, she sat in an airport, and with love in her heart, designed this blog. Is that a friend or what? She could have taken a nap, read a magazine, sipped a coffee and just savored the end of the day. Instead, she used what little time she had and dedicated it to this! She knew I wouldn't do it, so she did! By doing so, she pushed me, a little harder than I would have pushed myself, for sure!

That my dear friends, is what "iron sharpens iron" means to me. It's being real with one another. It's support and encouragement. It's being honest and loving at the same time. It's challenging your friend to do, to think, to be something outside their comfort zone. Often it is messy.

Picture it! Iron against iron, creates heat and friction, sometimes even sparks,  but in the end it  produces a sharper, stronger,  better  product.....a better friendship.  You may not always LIKE what a friend says or advises. You may not WANT to hear what they have to tell you. You may not  FEEL like doing "the right thing". But a true friend will tell you either way.

I pray that you have a BFF as loving as mine. One who will speak truth into your life. One who will love you, when you are right and when you are wrong. One who will send you "tough love" text messages, after she's let you have your pity party. I pray, that I will be that friend too.

 God bless you Tamra Jean <3 I thank God every day for restoring our friendship and showing me what BFF stands for!