I think we've all had those moments
** you look in the mirror and don't recognize the person staring back at you? You look deeply into your own eyes and its surreal how little you know about yourself
**your child does something so amazing, whether good or bad, and you look on, astonished and think "I never saw that coming, who are you?"
**someone you love, your spouse, your parent, a friend, wounds you in a way you'd never predict and you're stunned into the acknowledgement that you don't really know them.
I've done alot of thinking recently about this. Especially the part about knowing myself. Long ago I disappeared into my life, I stopped being myself and started being:
* a child of domestic violence
*a probability for addiction
* an overweight statistic
* Chris' wife
* Kristi & Chelsea's mom
* the friend everyone counted on to rescue them
* the reliable one
* the loyal one
* the one who listened, cared, counseled
* the "she'll take care of it so we don't need to" one
* truthfully, though few were aware, the very very broken one
The answers came to me fast and furious:
I want to be the girl who defied the odds, from broken home, full of addiction, secrets, lies, dysfunction, domestic violence....who overcame all of that to live a beautiful fulfilling life.
I want to be the woman who found love, security, peace. A woman so deeply in love with her husband that she can't wait for the end of the day to be enveloped in his hug and smile. A relationship founded on mutual trust, respect, love and goals.
I want to be the mother who ignored the statistics of her past and raised healthy, happy, well adjusted daughters. Evidence that the cycle can and has been broken.
I want to be the friend wounded so many times by destructive, unhealthy friendships that she SHOULD have given up....but didn't. The one who finally found the true meaning of real friendships, the kind she'd been looking for all of her life.
I want to be the unlikely statistic....."she'll never lose the weight"......"she can't run a 5K"....."she'll never find a job after being out of the workforce for 17 years"....."she can't write a book" .......but she did.
Heavenly father I hold on to the promise that I am MORE than a conqueror. I have victory that surpasses anything the world tells me I can or can not do. I pray for your strength, courage, and discernment to press toward the promises you have for me. In your name I pray~ amen